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part 1 when it happens one i shouldnt have come to this party.
im not even sure i belong at this party.
thats not on some bougie shit either.
there are just some places where its not enough to be me.
either version of me.
big ds spring break party is one of those places.
i squeeze through sweaty bodies and follow kenya her curls bouncing past her shoulders.
a haze lingers over the room smelling like weed and music rattles the floor.
some rapper calls out for everybody to naenae followed by a bunch of heys as people launch into their own versions.
kenya holds up her cup and dances her way through the crowd.
between the headache from the loudass music and the nausea from the weed odor ill be amazed if i cross the room without spilling my drink.
we break out the crowd.
big ds house is packed walltowall.
girls wear their hair colored curled laid and slayed.
guys in their freshest kicks and sagging pants grind so close to girls they just about need condoms my nana likes to say that spring brings love.
spring in garden heights doesnt always bring love but it promises babies in the winter.
i wouldnt be surprised if a lot of them are conceived the night of big ds party.
he always has it on the friday of spring break because you need saturday to recover and sunday to repent.
stop following me and go dance starr kenya says.
people already say you think you all that.
i didnt know so many mind readers lived in garden heights.
or that people know me as anything other than big mavs daughter who works in the store.
i sip my drink and spit it back out.
i knew there would be more than hawaiian punch in it but this is way stronger than im used to.
they shouldnt even call it punch.
just straightup liquor.
i put it on the coffee table and say folks kill me thinking they know what i think.
hey im just saying.
you act like you dont know nobody cause you go to that school.
ive been hearing that for six years ever since my parents put me in williamson prep.
whatever i mumble.
and it wouldnt kill you to not dress like.
she turns up her nose as she looks from my sneakers to my oversized hoodie.
that.
aint that my brothers hoodie.
our brothers hoodie.
kenya and i share an older brother seven.
but she and i arent related.
her momma is sevens momma and my dad is sevens dad.
crazy i know.
yeah its his.
figures.
you know what else people saying too.
got folks thinking youre my girlfriend.
do i look like i care what people think.
no.
and thats the problem.
whatever.
if id known following her to this party meant shed be on some extreme makeover starr edition mess i wouldve stayed home and watched fresh prince reruns.
thats more than some people can say.
the hoodies way too big but i like it that way.
plus if i pull it over my nose i cant smell the weed.
well i aint babysitting you all night so you better do something kenya says and scopes the room.
kenya could be a model if im completely honest.
shes got flawless darkbrown skini dont think she ever gets a pimpleslanted brown eyes and long eyelashes that arent storebought.
shes the perfect height for modeling too but a little thicker than those toothpicks on the runway.
she never wears the same outfit twice.
her daddy king makes sure of that.
kenya is about the only person i hang out with in garden heightsits hard to make friends when you go to a school thats fortyfive minutes away and youre a latchkey kid whos only seen at her familys store.
its easy to hang out with kenya because of our connection to seven.
always fighting somebody and quick to say her daddy will whoop somebodys ass.
yeah its true but i wish shed stop picking fights so she can use her trump card.
everybody knows you dont mess with my dad big mav and you definitely dont mess with his kids.
still you dont see me going around starting shit.
like at big ds party kenya is giving denasia allen some serious stankeye.
i dont remember much about denasia but i remember that she and kenya havent liked each other since fourth grade.
tonight denasias dancing with some guy halfway across the room and paying no attention to kenya.
but no matter where we move kenya spots denasia and glares at her.
and the thing about the stankeye is at some point you feel it on you inviting you to kick some ass or have your ass kicked.
ooh.
i cant stand her kenya seethes.
the other day we were in line in the cafeteria right.
and she behind me talking out the side of her neck.
she didnt use my name but i know she was talking bout me saying i tried to get with devante.
for real.
i say what im supposed to.
uhhuh.
i dont want him.
i know.
honestly.
i dont know who devante is.
so what did you do.
what you think i did.
i turned around and asked if she had a problem with me.
ol trick gon say i wasnt even talking about you knowing she was.
youre so lucky you go to that whitepeople school and dont have to deal with hoes like that.
aint this some shit.
not even five minutes ago i was stuckup because i go to williamson.
now im lucky.
trust me my school has hoes too.
hoedom is universal.
watch we gon handle her tonight.
kenyas stankeye reaches its highest level of stank.
denasia feels its sting and looks right at kenya.
uhhuh kenya confirms like denasia hears her.
watch.
hold up.
we.
thats why you begged me to come to this party.
so you can have a tag team partner.
she has the nerve to look offended.
it aint like you had nothing else to do.
or anybody else to hang out with.
im doing your ass a favor.
really kenya.
you do know i have friends right.
she rolls her eyes.
hard.
only the whites are visible for a few seconds.
them lil bougie girls from your school dont count.
theyre not bougie and they do count.
i think.
maya and i are cool.
not sure whats up with me and hailey lately.
and honestly.
if pulling me into a fight is your way of helping my social life im good.
please starr.
she stretches the please extra long.
too long.
this what im thinking.
we wait until she get away from devante right.
and then we.
my phone vibrates against my thigh and i glance at the screen.
since ive ignored his calls chris texts me instead.
can we talk.
i didnt mean for it to go like that.
of course he didnt.
he meant for it to go a whole different way yesterday which is the problem.
i slip the phone in my pocket.
im not sure what i wanna say but id rather deal with him later.
kenya.
somebody shouts.
this big lightskinned girl with bonestraight hair moves through the crowd toward us.
a tall boy with a blackandblond frohawk follows her.
they both give kenya hugs and talk about how cute she looks.
im not even here.
why you aint tell me you was coming.
the girl says and sticks her thumb in her mouth.
shes got an overbite from doing that too.
you couldve rode with us.
nah girl.
i had to go get starr kenya says.
we walked here together.
thats when they notice me standing not even half a foot from kenya.
the guy squints as he gives me a quick onceover.
he frowns for a hot second but i notice it.
aint you big mavs daughter who work in the store.
see.
people act like thats the name on my birth certificate.
yeah thats me.
ohhh.
the girl says.
i knew you looked familiar.
we were in third grade together.
ms bridgess class.
i sat behind you.
oh.
i know this is the moment im supposed to remember her but i dont.
i guess kenya was righti really dont know anybody.
their faces are familiar but you dont get names and life stories when youre bagging folks groceries.
i can lie though.
yeah i remember you.
girl quit lying the guy says.
you know you dont know her ass.
why you always lying.
kenya and the girl sing together.
the guy joins in and they all bust out laughing.
bianca and chance be nice kenya says.
this starrs first party.
her folks dont let her go nowhere.
i cut her a sideeye.
i go to parties kenya.
have yall seen her at any parties round here.
kenya asks them.
nope.
point made.
and before you say it lil lame whitekid suburb parties dont count.
chance and bianca snicker.
i bet they be doing molly and shit dont they.
chance asks me.
white kids love popping pills.
and listening to taylor swift bianca adds talking around her thumb.
okay thats somewhat true but im not telling them that.
nah actually their parties are pretty dope i say.
one time this boy had j.
cole perform at his birthday party.
for real.
chance asks.
shiiit.
ill party with them white kids.
anyway kenya says loudly.
we were talking bout running up on denasia.
ol trick bianca says.
you know she been running her mouth bout you right.
i was in mr donalds class last week when aaliyah told me chance rolls his eyes.
ugh.
mr donald.
you just mad he threw you out kenya says.
anyway aaliyah told me bianca begins.
i get lost again as classmates and teachers that i dont know are discussed.
i cant say anything.
doesnt matter though.
im invisible.
i feel like that a lot around here.
in the middle of them complaining about denasia and their teachers kenya says something about getting another drink and the three of them walk off without me.
suddenly im eve in the garden after she ate the fruitits like i realize im naked.
im by myself at a party im not even supposed to be at where i barely know anybody.
and the person i do know just left me hanging.
kenya begged me to come to this party for weeks.
i got tired of hearing that shit and decided to prove her wrong.
problem is it wouldve taken black jesus to convince my parents to let me come.
now black jesus will have to save me if they find out im here.
people glance over at me with that who is this chick standing against the wall by herself like an idiot.
look.
....